A little about me now

My blog looks like I just killed someone.
So depressing.

So maybe, time to talk about the things I've achieve now.

I.. am.. finally.. AN ARCHITECT!

hehehehe, been wanting to be an architect since I was 10.
It was a tough tough road no doubts,
but is also very fulfilling, definitely 

I still have late nights and work on weekends,
But no plans on giving up yet.
Not when mama told me,

"Mama, rasa Araa blh pergi jauh"

How can I give up after hearing that.
I've full filled my childhood dream..

To the Moon

Im sorry I cant meet you halfway,
I cant see the path. Im still lost.

Even, for a little while,
You really were the light that guide me back to the track.
Thank you

I have no intentions on playing,
There was really no one new.
Just my past. Always my past.

And even by leaving,
you've thought me,
Im not in love w my past.

Im just filled w so much guilt, that i cant allow myself to be happy again.

I dont blame you for leaving,
I understand why you quit.
but Im sorry i cant stop you,
I'll be selfish if I do that.

Unlike the moon, our time is never right.
So to the moon we go, and never back

Hi Anuar

Hi Anuar,

It has been 8 months, since we broke up. Oh what can these 8 months do comparing the 7 years we grew together. Ive been thinking about you a lot lately,

Like really alot. I mean, all the time.

I really, really hope youre doing fine. Truth is, the past 7 months all i can think of is all the bad things, all the things that went wrong, that made me came up with the decision the call it off, but lately, all the good memories keep coming back. Only the good ones. And they're very good.

You're right. Apa yg raa buat tu kejam. Kejam sangat, it didnt do justice to the years we have spent together. I didnt give you a proper ending, and now its all coming back to me. But I know, I cant find you now to explain, you dont want to hear it anymore, I should have done it when you asked. Im 8 months too late.

There are a few things Ive learnt about us only after I left. I've learnt, you really really loved me, didnt you, I was your world. You meant it when you said you love me more. You meant it when you said you wont give up on my, but i made you too. Im sorry I took these things for granted. Im sorry I took you for granted.

I was scared of the future with you. I was terrified of the idea of taking a son away from his mother, but i couldnt imagine myself moving to another state, to a total different environment, different culture, and the thought of needing to live with MIL scares me. I couldnt understand the struggle you and youre family were going through, and i thought i wont fit in with your family. Months before the breaking up, i was so convince we have ran out of love.

I had my struggle, new job, new house, new life, and you were stuck at where you were. We both got carried away w our own life, we forgot to love each other. I didnt see you for 5 months, and 3 months before that. For once after 7 years, we had to live our own lives, not together. and i drifted away, I am sorry. 

When I was excited for something, you saw the flaws, and when you were excited, I thought its stupid. We were killing each other's energy. And I got tired, Im sorry.

When we were together, I really really did love you. Back when it was us against the world, we really made a very very powerful duo. You were my remedy and I was yours. Look at where it got us, we got our degree and master together, started a new business, explore so many new places. Together we had such a good young love. Until adulthood hits us,

You, Anuar, will always be apart of me. 7 years of my life were spent with you. It was a very good 7 years. Thank you, and Im sorry. I sorry I give up on us, Im sorry didnt fight when you asked me too. And above all, Im sorry I left when you needed me most. Im gonna have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. but I hope you'll move on. I hope, you'll be the person you've always wanted to be, Ive said it, and I meant it, and I really do believe, you'll turn out good.

You will forever be, my young love. Goodbye bay <3 p="">

Bye Kodaline

I've been trying to find words to explain my feelings,
without hurting anyone, betraying any promises.

But, like you said, the heart wants what the heart wants.
So I thought, for a second, maybe I should be ruthless, reckless, and just fall for you.like ive already do.
But still, as if I have any control of how my feelings was growing, I tried to pull away,
I tried to deny it, but denial can only go so far as the truth will always find it way.

And the truth is, I have fallen for you.
Like a stupid little girl, I check on every medium, to feel your present.
I wake up and went to bed, with you on my mind.
And that is wrong. I know this is not right.
So keep to myself, no one knows, and i promise no one will.

But im letting go now,
Not cause I dont like you enough, but cause this is not right
This is wrong and I dont want something this pure, this real, to be wrong.

Im letting you go now.
Please you had me, for a while, somehow.

Hello Seafarer

I wasnt looking, definitely wasnt searching,
But you appears, like a strong wind,
and youve made a chaos.
Boy you've made a messed.

Again

Feeling a little low.

I guess I expected too much from a friend.
I should never do that ever again

They will find their own happiness,
And they have found theirs.

I should find one of my own.

Nobody reads

I thought I had everything planned out. 

I thought I had everything under control.

But suddenly the winds blow the other way.

My north changes its direction,

and Im lost

Im lost, not looking for any particular direction.

But this time, I panicked

I wanted to be in control 

But instead, 

All I want to do now is to hide under my blanket,

and wait for it to be over

But I'm too old to wait,

Too old to be lost.

a decade over 16.