Hardcore

My life has been in a roller coaster ride lately,

But Alhamdulillah,

I am bless enough and being guide by Him through out he way.

I have to admit,

There was a lot of ugly thoughts that passed through my head,

'I want to lock myself in my room'

'I want to run away from here'

'I want to stop socializing with my friends'

'When will I die?'

Yes, I was that depress.

And the worst part was,

I can't cry,

no matter how painful in was,

how lost I am,

I acted like everything was fine,

laugh as hard as I could but actually I was rotten inside.

I showed myself the worst of me,

and I ain't proud of that.

I was full with anger,

So full that I can't love anyone anymore,

If only I knew that anger are man eater,

Instead of liquid, I feel like Im full with anger,

Instead of skin, I feel like my biggest organ was anger,

Instaed of human, I feel like I am anger.

I stayed up that night,

thinking and wondering about how long I can last without killing myself,

because I knew I couldn't go on that way.

So I tried my best to remember the way and the side of me that I used to bring myself to where I am.

So here is my list

1. Try to think about others' side of story as well

2. Forgive and forget.

3. After every rain, there will be a beautiful rainbow

4. We are humans, just humans, with flaws.

So, Im getting better day by day.

Emotions are definitely a common visitor,

So Im training myself to get use to it.

And every time I start to lose control I remind myself that

On my way to heaven, Allah SWT wont be asking me what they did to me,

But what really matters is what I did to them.

because I realize that shitty times are the best times to show the world the best of me.

Since I've lost everything,

(at least I feel like I have)

Im going to start again at the square one,

My faith, my religion, my god.

Im turning myself to Him,

Because I believe that,

it is the only way to feel calm and happy in life.

Then, Im gonna help myself in being a better person.

A better daugther, sister,friend,leader and muslim.

Im so sorry it took me too long to collect myself together,

but please stay with me.